The holidays can be particularly difficult for those processing the loss of a loved one, and for children, this time of year can feel especially heavy.
Each year, the Thursday before Thanksgiving marks Children’s Grief Awareness Day—a time to recognize and support young people navigating the complexities of loss. In Portland, one organization works year-round to provide that crucial support: Dougy Center.
A Safe Space for Grieving Kids
At 11-years old, Talullah Olavarria-Poore already has wisdom beyond her years.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m in middle school right now, so there’s a lot of little dramas, and now that causes, like, a lot of big emotions, and I know how to deal with the big emotions, and when it’s appropriate to really, like, have big emotions,” said Olavarria-Poore.
Emotions like sadness, joy, and grief. Olavarria-Poore’s experience with grief has changed as she’s gotten older.
“Back a few years ago, I didn’t quite understand everything, and now I know that it’s okay to process however I need to and that my dad’s dead, and that’s okay, because everyone’s parents die at some point, and it just happened a little earlier for me,” she said. “My dad died of leukemia when I was six years old.”
Olavarria-Poore is one of the six million US children who lose a parent or a sibling before graduating from high school. That’s one in every 18 kids.
At Dougy Center in southeast Portland, these kids and their families are given space and support to process their grief.
“It’s just such an amazing place where I get to talk about anything I need to anything that involves grief. It’s fine here, like it’s just such a warm, welcoming place, especially for kids like me,” Olavarria-Poore said.
A Safe Haven for Healing
“At school, there’s not a lot of people I can relate to, but here, everyone has gone through something similar, and I can just talk to them freely without, like, censoring what I say because they might not understand,” she said.
Those who work here call it a safe haven where grief is normal.
A mix of professional staff and trained volunteer facilitators practice a peer support model. Children are encouraged to talk and play with each other, sharing their experiences in the process.
They’ll be the first to admit, the kids are the real healing force here. Olavarria-Poore has been able to pass on her experience to other kids.
“Like younger kids, older kids, even who are really in the thick of it, like, of grief, I’ve been able to, like, help them. I’ve been able to comfort them,” she said. “And if they want to talk about it, we can talk about it, and I don’t force them to talk about it.”
The Power of Play
At Dougy Center, a circular hallway connects playrooms each designed for different age groups and different expressions.
One room has musical instruments; another has a child-sized theater. Then there’s the volcano room where it’s safe to express more explosive feelings.
When Olavarria-Poore first visited five years ago, she was drawn to the hospital room.
“I remember being in this bed a lot, because me and my friend always like to like, one of us was the patient. One of us was the doctor, because both of our dads were kind of like, always in the hospital,” she said. “So it’s kind of comforting to be able to like, have a safe space where it’s okay to like, because hospitals are normal, but for us, they weren’t.”
Ongoing Impact
While Dougy Center doesn’t offer formal therapy, healing is baked into every inch of the space.
“[Dougy Center] is always going to play a role in my life, in that it helped me get through something really, really extremely hard in my life,” she said.
A refuge for grief in Portland, living up to its mission of being the right place when nothing feels right.
