Who Am I Now ? How Grief Changes Us

Losing and finding yourself in grief.

Brendon and Jana delve into the many layers of loss that we grapple with when someone dies and how that loss can change us. When we grieve, we miss the person and who they were in our lives. We miss who we were with them. Often we miss who we were in general before the death. As we think towards the future, we grieve for the events and occasions that we won’t share with the person.

Over time, people in grief may start to see themselves differently. What they value, prioritize, and want in life can change radically.

These changes occur on many levels:

• Spiritual shifts
• Difficulty remembering/accomplishing small tasks.
• Want to be social/difficult to be around people
• More compassionate/less able to tolerate everyday drama
• Put more time and energy into relationships
• Less concerned with work and material success/more immersed in work
• Can’t seem to exercise/exercise all the time – need it
• Increased interest in movies/books/songs about grief – vs. can’t tolerate them at all

As you sort through what is different, it can be helpful sit with a series of questions:

• How do you see yourself now?
• How do you see the world?
• Which of these changes do you value?
• What strengths have you discovered?
• Where are the places in your life that you need additional support?
• What parts of yourself do you miss and want to re-cultivate?

Here is a related article on The Dougy Center web site.